Don't wait for me......

Over the years I have had to come to terms with losing my independence, mourning my "former physically fit" self,  allowing myself to need other people, being vulnerable with my pain when I cant take it anymore......... this is all about me though and I have recently come to think of what those that love me must have been going through.

I am privileged to have the most amazing husband in the world, he takes care of me physically 24/7 and when we are not together he takes care of me emotionally.  He loves me and he loves our family deeply. He would easily take on my pain if it would make it better for me.  He rubs my feet every night and reminds me to take my medication.    I have an amazing daughter that lives with us and she is happy to take me to hospital appointments and open jars for me, never with a hint of it being a burden to her.  She also encourages me to take time for myself and rest.  She never complains if I have to make changes to her "dating schedule" due to not being able to babysit because I am too tired. My son is newly married to his beautiful wife but we still have an amazing bond.  We work together and although we are now of different sites we still chat on the phone almost every day.  My grandson is 10 years old and doesn't really understand why grammy can't do things for herself,  but he is always happy to fetch and carry for me if I need him to.  His hugs warm my heart and my soul!  I also now have my sister living nearby and she is also very sympathetic to my health issues.  We talk regularly and she is always happy to help with anything I need help with.

So how do all these wonderful people in my life cope with my health issues?  It is so easy for me to get so caught up in all my struggles and not see the challenges my loved ones are facing.

I want to talk specifically about my relationship with my significant other,  the love of my life, my husband.  We married very young and raised a family from the start.  We have grown up together and are inseparable.  It became very clear to me this last weekend when we booked a hotel for a couple of nights so we could hang out and explore the area.  Our first day out and we went to speedway which I love,  we had planned movies and dinner but when I got back to the hotel at about 6ish I fell asleep on the bed and didn't wake up till about 2am as I hadn't had my sleeping tablets.  I felt really bad because my husband had not had dinner or been out either.  Although I said to him..... "Don't wait for me",  I understand how hard this must be to do.  But it is something I have come to terms with myself and feel I need to reinforce over and over again.  It doesn't mean you love me any less or you don't care,  I don't want you to sit around waiting for me to have enough energy to go out and do something together.   I give myself permission to rest and I give you permission to "Not wait for me". 

I do wonder how others cope with this that have the same challenges I face.  I would love to hear from other married couples about how things work for them.

Just a reminder darling,  I love you deeply and appreciate your love and support for me. 

Lesley
xxx