Don't wait for me......

Over the years I have had to come to terms with losing my independence, mourning my "former physically fit" self,  allowing myself to need other people, being vulnerable with my pain when I cant take it anymore......... this is all about me though and I have recently come to think of what those that love me must have been going through.

I am privileged to have the most amazing husband in the world, he takes care of me physically 24/7 and when we are not together he takes care of me emotionally.  He loves me and he loves our family deeply. He would easily take on my pain if it would make it better for me.  He rubs my feet every night and reminds me to take my medication.    I have an amazing daughter that lives with us and she is happy to take me to hospital appointments and open jars for me, never with a hint of it being a burden to her.  She also encourages me to take time for myself and rest.  She never complains if I have to make changes to her "dating schedule" due to not being able to babysit because I am too tired. My son is newly married to his beautiful wife but we still have an amazing bond.  We work together and although we are now of different sites we still chat on the phone almost every day.  My grandson is 10 years old and doesn't really understand why grammy can't do things for herself,  but he is always happy to fetch and carry for me if I need him to.  His hugs warm my heart and my soul!  I also now have my sister living nearby and she is also very sympathetic to my health issues.  We talk regularly and she is always happy to help with anything I need help with.

So how do all these wonderful people in my life cope with my health issues?  It is so easy for me to get so caught up in all my struggles and not see the challenges my loved ones are facing.

I want to talk specifically about my relationship with my significant other,  the love of my life, my husband.  We married very young and raised a family from the start.  We have grown up together and are inseparable.  It became very clear to me this last weekend when we booked a hotel for a couple of nights so we could hang out and explore the area.  Our first day out and we went to speedway which I love,  we had planned movies and dinner but when I got back to the hotel at about 6ish I fell asleep on the bed and didn't wake up till about 2am as I hadn't had my sleeping tablets.  I felt really bad because my husband had not had dinner or been out either.  Although I said to him..... "Don't wait for me",  I understand how hard this must be to do.  But it is something I have come to terms with myself and feel I need to reinforce over and over again.  It doesn't mean you love me any less or you don't care,  I don't want you to sit around waiting for me to have enough energy to go out and do something together.   I give myself permission to rest and I give you permission to "Not wait for me". 

I do wonder how others cope with this that have the same challenges I face.  I would love to hear from other married couples about how things work for them.

Just a reminder darling,  I love you deeply and appreciate your love and support for me. 

Lesley
xxx

Distal Interphalangeal Joint Fusion

"So, I have been very quiet over the last year or so but that is simply because I have had a few surgeries. As I am getting older so my body is giving in more and more.  The arthritis is taking hold of my body but I am still determined not to be beaten."  ...........written a little more than a year ago and here i sit having had the same surgery but on a different hand.  I have been thinking why it has taken me so long to actually getting around to publishing this post and apart from the obvious one that it takes longer to type than usual....... it has been an intense year!

sometimes life just gives you no breathing space and this is what this last year has felt like! 

So...... Distal interphalangeal joint fusion...... what is it and how does it help me?  

"Arthrodesis

Arthrodesis is a type of surgery that joins (fuses) 2 bones in a diseased joint so that the joint can no longer move. It may be done when pain and disability or instability from a diseased joint can no longer be managed with medicines, splints, and other methods.

The surgery may be done on joints such as the fingers, knees, ankles, or spine. Depending on the joint and the particular disease the person has, different methods of doing arthrodesis are possible. For example:  Metal implants may be secured to the bones to hold them together until new bone grows to complete the fusion. Depending on the joint, these procedures may have high complication rates."

So having had my right hand done a year ago and having my joints fused with pins....... my consultant this time (a different partner) has done the fusion with screws, which is supposed to heal quicker.

I have also had all my other finger joints injected with steroids whilst under anaesthetic and to be honest it does seem to be healing quicker,  but the bruising after the injections was quite severe and really hurt. 


If anyone that has arthritis in their fingers I would highly recommend this surgery as it definitely takes the pain out of the joints (unfortunately there are a whole lot of joints in the hands and fingers so it is a short term relief) but it is definitely something worth considering.



I was booked off for 5 weeks from school but feel ready to go back 4 weeks post op,  my doctor says she has never had anyone ask for their sick note to be changed to go back to work sooner!  

I think for my own mental health I need to go back to work as I need to be around people.

I started driving again yesterday and found it a little painful but felt so good to get out of the house and go where I wanted to go without having to rely on other people. 

I have requested to go back to work early but on reduced hours and amended duties.

I think that taking it slowly is important but is also essential for my mental state of mind (but that is another blog for another day....)


So how has this helped me.  Well since the last operation last year i do not have pain in the joints that were fused. This just means that out of all the joint pains I have:  neck, back, knees, hands..... I now have less pain than before,  

On the flipside though, unfortunately due to the joints no longer being able to bend,  I don't have a very good grip anymore and tend to drop things regularly.  But you have to weigh up the pros and cons and less pain is definitely a pro so that's why I went for the second surgery on the other hand.

I hope that this blog may bring to light something that others suffering from crippling arthritis might find beneficial.

Till next time.  

Lesley  👌